Heartache is a sensation that is not describable. It cannot be consoled like a band-aid to a cut wound, or a pain killer to that toothache. It slashes ruthlessly on your soul.
Two days ago I received a text message that I have been dreading, even though we have felt it looming.
My dad is gone
We have made plans, plans that are 15 years in the making. They are left in ruins now. Regret in its many forms overflow our senses. Even as we understand, or try to understand, that God is in control, that He directs our steps1. It is still so very hard to accept.
It’s been two days.
And while we slowly gather our minds, it still pinches you at every turn.
Yet it was not a dream. As much as we despair, it has happened. Never in the manner of our desire, never in our pitch of expectations. And it was this abruptness that has caused much pain.
We question “why?” but has little chance of knowing why until we too join him in Heaven.
Death, as worded in Love Actually, is “such a ridiculous waste.”
Waste, because there are so much more potentials – in relationships, in life.
We wish, we hope.
But what is gone, is gone. And we just have to pick ourselves up, and move on.
In loving memory of Wang Fumin (1954.6.12 – 2012.10.20).